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Online Dating: How to Lose a Guy in 5 seconds

Online Dating: How to Lose a Guy in 5 seconds.  Where is Mr Right? That’s the question on the minds of millions of single women. Where does one go these days to find good guys or Mr Right? Honesty on the dating apps is hard to come by, but it’s there, you can’t give up and think negative.

Times have changed, well that depends on who you ask and what generation they are from, but for the most part, you are not going to find Mr Right at the local Grocery store. Those were the simple good old days. Nowadays, the place to be to see men is online dating apps.

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Ray Brown is a writer, podcaster who has vast knowledge in the fields of psychology, sociology, meditation, mindfulness, spirituality, sleep, stress, confidence, happiness and relationships.

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65 comments
  • I completely agree with what you say. I would also encourage you to ask a female friend to let you flip through her Tinder. Some guys do the same things that women do. Many don’t even have a picture or just a pic of their abs. Not that we don’t like seeing abs but if that’s your only pic & it’s without your face, what are hiding? Or no profile info just pics. Some just want your number so they can send you unsolicited pics and woman hate that! Or ask you for nudes. So discouraging. Are there any gentleman left out there?

  • This was a great artical. Surprisingly a lot of things mentioned in this article men do on their online dating profiles. I have been single for 2 years. I have almost given up hope that I’m not going to meet somebody and in grocery store like you mentioned ?

  • You nailed both sides! This happens all the time. I don’t get it either!!! You have one shot to make an impression after that your done! The sunglasses drive me into outer space!! And so dose ghosting. They come on strong then disappear.. WTH.. A lot of talkers and no doers and a whole lot of men lieing about their AGE !!I just wanna give up!

  • Reading this article brought up all my feels… as a woman I see men doing a lot of this too… o feel this article so be non gendered because everyone is doing this.

    I would also add to the honesty bit: most people say they like honesty, but when they receive it they don’t actually like it… it’s too dramatic for them, rude, offensive, intense… people are used to meeting people with their best foots forward (not always portraying their truths). So when someone honest comes along they might think “if they are like this now? What would they be like when we’re together?”

    One other thing I will add: If you don’t have a picture up of your self, stop getting offended when they are requested. You messaged someone cause you were attracted to them, why can’t that person have the same choice back?

  • I am on POF . In my opinion it is a prerequisite for the men that join that site to be erogant . Then there are those that spend copious hours every night swiping away with no intention of engaging with you…. just looking for thrills…… kinda like looking at Playboy.
    About the photo thing ….. I don’t get why men post pictures of their cars , boats , big houses , cottages or further more every where they have been in the world without them in the picture.
    All those photos are available on line .
    Are they making up for their lack of personality.
    Lastly 10 year old photos .!!! Have you ever gone to meet someone & they look like their father .
    Seriously……

  • Good words of advice. I’ve seen all of these ‘turn-offs’ on male profiles. I have another suggestion…stop taking selfies in public restrooms (stalls etc in the background)

  • How about guys with the dog pictures? Or giant dead fish? Or the dead deer they just shot? Or in front of the really nice car/truck that probably isn’t theirs? Or a fanned our stack of cash? Or smoking a blunt? Come on Mr. Synical Critical Online Dating App Expert. We are all trying to adapt to this new form of dating. Ease up.

  • Men do all of the above, they also have photos of them on a mountain with their pants down, pics of just their abs – no face pics at all. “Looking for my future ex wife” man the list goes on.

  • As if Men dont do all of these except you need to add. Men who take pic with little girls babies other women keep their we dding rings on… H
    Kiss and lick their dogs PLEASE i could go on.

    If l lose a guy in 5 Sec it might be a blessing it wasnt meant to be NEXT….

    I think online dating is yryna find a needle in a hay stack.

    • Ben, there are lots of reasons. Without jumping to conclusions, it could be that the guy had another agenda and lost interest. Or found someone else, that piqued his interest more. The process should be effortless and not feel like you need to entertain the man to keep his interest. There should be a natural flow and if it’s not there, in your head, which him well in his journey. People have to be comfortable in their skin, body, and mind. Otherwise, insecurity and doubt take over. I always say this, that we only always had control over two things; our thoughts and actions. Outside of that, everything is out of your control. So why worry about things out of your control. Just be happy to the tune of your own vibration, which you have control over.

  • Thanks for writing this. I only see male pages, but all you discussed is what makes me swipe left on his page. You have shed some light on why they have multiple ppl in the pic, pets, pics of body parts or too close to the face, or too far away; some have scenery pics and the person isn’t in it at all… that is very strange, or decide not to write comments about themselves in the profile. All of those turn me off. Now I have some understanding of why they do it. I agree with you, if you have insecurities that make you make these silly decisions, work on you first and stay off the app. If you can’t even be bothered to write 5 sentences about you and things that you enjoy, stay off the app.
    NP

  • I agree with what you are saying. But you need to realize the problem is men are doing very simular things .And why its so hard to even get to a date.
    Everyone seems to like the attention by the swipe there way but getting more than a hello is trying to say the least.Some of those online do not even seem interested in meeting anyone

    It seems more of a joke than someone actually looking to meet.

    A few common obstacles

    People need to realize that if you really are looking to date or meet someone
    Realize that they may not sit online all day just waiting for you to say Hello
    I would hope they have jobs and a life. It seems if you do not immediately respond and chat thier gone.
    What are the odds that both will catch each other at that moment

    Allow time for a response
    Keep in mind not everyone sits online all day

    More often than not
    You hear oh i am heading out of town and i text you in a week or two.
    If you are not available to meet or even text turn your profile off until you are

    Thats a huge turn off
    Like you said there is alot of fish in the sea

    If there is a spark arrange to meet .why text until one loses interest and walks away as you dont seem really interestsd
    Bottom line is its the only way to know if there is chemistry
    And try being more creatiive on where to meet

    If I here lets meet for coffee at 9 am i goimg to lose it Some people do not drink coffee….

    This meeting should be just that two people meeting and worrying about wasting money on this meeting is stupid It shows negitivity

    If each pays it will make the meeting open to less stress
    It should be dutch and choose
    something fun and split the bill

    That is a sure way to see them in a real form

    Then if there is a spark ask them out and pay

    Women need to realize men are not a meal ticket

    He does not owe you its a meeting

    After that whoever asks the other out again should pay
    But men also need to be a gentlemen

    Put as much effort in to this meeting as you expect them to.

    Take the time to look your best
    People dont want to put any effort into dating anymore
    Remember its about the chase

    Do not talk about your ex.
    No one wants to hear about your ex

    The chance of meeting there dream person is possible but be realistic no one will fill your entire wish list

    Give the meeting a chance even if they are not exactly what you want. Again you may see more qualities about them other than looks

    If there is no spark thank them for there effort and wish them the best
    Dont lie and make promises you know you wont do

    Do not post photos with sunglasses on

    Show a real interest and effort
    Be polite

    Take a chance, do not sign up if your not really available….

    Dont make the meeting a job interviee and drill them non stop
    With questions
    Give them a chance to tell you what they want about themself first…

    Ask upfront what they are looking for?
    Tinder has changed it is not just a hookup site

    Dont assume that; everyone wants a sex hookup

    ?,

    ?

    ,

  • Oh honey. You forgot to mention… don’t be a certain age or size. This goes for men and women as does ALL of what you said. Men do all of these things as well. Trust me! As someone who does all the things you say I should do, I promise you that there are just as many men being own pals and treating online dating as a pastime. In the end this is a superficial medium for meeting “people” and than can only lead to superficial relationships. I diubt I will ever meet my equal on these sites. I think I will just hike with my dog instead. At least I understand her!

  • I liked your remarks on how to lose a guy in 5 seconds. It’s good to know what things turn men off. I personally have done none of the things you’ve mentioned but it’s still good to know.

  • I agree with the pet photos. If a guy has that. I swipe left, or if they just look goofy and doing something stupid or have some goofy look on their face….. not interested. The biggest thing for me to swipe left is a guy that has a picture of some model or half naked women……. big swipe Left.

  • That is great advice! My dilemma is that I really look and feel younger than my actual age of 58. It’s very hard to find men my own age who are healthy and in good shape who have a positive attitude in general. I often end up matching with men who are over 20 years younger. Not that I really mind but the odds of me finding a life partner are quite minimal. Could you write an article on this subject as I’m sure I’m not the only one in this dilemma. Thank you ?

    • Hello Sue, I’ve gotten quite a bit of feedback on that subject. And yes, I’m working on an article around that. Please subscribe to our newsletter to stay updated on when it’s published.

    • I have the exact same problem…
      I’m 61 but look 50 or younger..I’m in great shape and have lots of energy and am quite lively. Men younger do not often look for a 60 yr old so guys in their late 60s are usually the ones interested on POF. I’m not interested in older. Most older men are not in shape or not too active…should I put a younger age so that 5o year men see my profile at least. I was told that most men will look at 50 and younger…not 60 year old profiles.
      They also dont believe that my picture is recent…so…I feel I’m wasting my time on online dating. Not getting the traction I thought I would.

  • i love a good pic of a man with his fur friend. shows me a compassionate side of him. My biggest pet peeves are men with other women in their pic, dead animals, guns, middle fingers up, gang signs, memes for pics, distant pics, not being in the pic, and no pic at all.
    my other issues: “twitter/text talk”: how r u? wyd? sup? or short 2 or 3 word responses instead of conversational answers. followed by my all time fave: ghosting. and guys just “looking for fun” or want it to be sexual before the end of the week.

  • Every thing you say is true of guys too

    Selfies made in a bathroom mirror really turn me off. Especially a public bathroom. Guys come on. On your camera app there’s a little icon of two arrows in a circle. Tap that, then you can take a picture of yourself without needing a mirror.

  • I’m feeling pretty confident about this because I haven’t dove any of these yet! Sweet! I agree with this article, except I find it interesting that the writer pointed out women wanting to be pen pals when I feel it can actually be the other way around. I can only say from my experience, but either men will want to meet inappropriately like at his house or hotel after barely speaking or he does the pen pal situation. That isn’t always the case and I don’t want to generalize all men. I can say that I wholeheartedly appreciate the men who take the initiative, but in a non creepy way. That’s key.

  • To me is the same for the men side . wrong pics or fake or pets or the wrong poses or no pics at all is getting frustrating too close too far no smile wearring sunglasses cant see there eyes… or their teeth loll
    Men drain us we hust want too find that dpecial one
    Quality over quantity ,,, unfortunately its a meat market out there and for the ladies who dont behave like ones at times respect and protect yourselves!

  • thank you for the insight. folks really can be hokie. but please address the stalkers. what are the signs of a potential psycho? i have one that i can’t seem to block out . he is very scary!

    • Tracey, trust your gut/intuition. They often give off signals that don’t feel right. When we ignore them, we are crossing our own boundaries of respect and allow others to come into those lines to disrespect our space.

  • Good advice. Times have changed. I am a female searching for a guy. One site I found “FINALLY” dating site…..I found so so many fake profilers. Alot of military men…..and very good looking men from various cities in USA. My question is, if a man that lives in a city of millions of people, why would they go on line to find love? Am I wrong or too old fashioned? I live in a very rural area where there are more cows than people. There is no city in the state I live in. Or a town close by that has over 80,000 people. I live in a town where there is only 850 people and every body knows everybody. When I start texting these so called men that say the are born and raised in the USA and they ask me where I live or where am I from and I reply back “WY” and most do not know or ask my why am I saying why?????? Is the USA states not taught anymore? Lol to me that is red flag. Am I wrong? Teach me please.

  • What you write about women on the dating apps, applies to men also. I wish men would stop posting pictures with giant fish, pictures of themselves from the waist up without a shirt on, a lot of men also post pictures of their pets. And I guess it’s honest when they post pictures of them drinking a lot lets me know they may have a problem. So my point is it goes both ways. A person who is honest on these apps with photos and information, I think men are still looking for the Barbie doll fantasy.

  • I’m a female and I find it’s the men who keep wanting to text for days. They want a pen pal. No one asks to meet up or for my number. I dont have snapchat selfies or anyone else in pics. ( I am not putting my daughters pics on a dating site!) Any suggestions?

  • please please please tell the men No more pictures of them holding up dead fish, making out with their dog and shirtless selfies in the bathroom mirror !!!!

  • Great Article !
    Loving Tinder and My photos are Awesome However …. Your Advice is Perfect for those that are lost in the dating world ! Very Very Good Sound Advice ❤️ !

  • Great article but this goes both ways! Believe it or not, guys do the same damn things; down to the filters, pics of their dogs, motorcycles, trucks, cars, and even thier mothers…in the hospital….on LIFE SUPPORT, etc. Just like you guys don’t want to see pics of our latest mani/pedi on our profile pics, I don’t want to see pictures of your car/motorcycle on your profile. I don’t care what kind of car you drive. I have my own, not looking for a good used car, I’m looking for a date. I want to see you, and yes, a small bio is always nice.

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